@ian.fowler | morningstar network

[wittingly]

Hey
Stop me if this is a stupid offer, I'm still trying to figure out how this whole thing works, but
I heard about the whole gate problem, and the whole simulation thing, there's probably more going on too that I don't know about yet
I'm an engineer
You guys might already have a few, but just in case you're shorthanded
If there's anything I can do to help, I want to

I can also apparently do a weird tools thing now so that's
something

edit: if anyone's in the market for crazy experiments in there
you guys glitch the sim when you do your chest thing, right?
anyone tried organizing a group glow-off? overwhelm the system with too much at once, DDOS it into crashing?

Comments

[wittingly]

oh shit
I might not be the best person to explain it since I have about 15% of an idea of what the problem is but
apparently the gates you guys use are shut down or locked or something
they're having a hard time getting into amsterdam
we tried to captain planet them back online, you know where like everyone goes to a gate and then believes in the power of love really hard

anyway, it didn't work

[evocation]

oh
well of course it's not that easy
we're going for maximum suffering here apparently
but that was a pretty good description for someone who doesn't know what the problem is

[wittingly]

would you believe I just made up a bunch of words and through sheer statistical anomaly they turned out to be the right ones

[evocation]

pretend i'm making a monkeys on typewriters joke
opening the gates the first time was some serious kumbaya bullshit though

[wittingly]

you say that like it's a bad thing, but I gotta tell you, kumbaya shit was kind of my specialty
I minored in it in college

I still know how to play Wonderwall

I'm practically made for this place

[evocation]

wait
are you talking about kumbaya shit as in music or kumbaya shit as in let's all hold hands and cry together?

[wittingly]

if you drop enough acid they're the same thing

[evocation]

oh my god
what can you play wonderwall on?

[wittingly]

i think you know
deep down in your heart
you know what i can play wonderwall on

[evocation]

the kazoo
duh
record yourself and send it to me so i don't lose my mind

[wittingly]

[ it takes two hours and forty-five minutes. ]

ian.fowler would like to send you an attachment, would you like to upload now?

videofile01.mp3

[evocation]

holy shit
this is the most amazing thing anyone has ever given me
did it take you two and a half hours to find a kazoo?

[wittingly]

it's like you're psychic
who would've known that it wasn't the fossil fuel industry we should have been braced for, it was the impending kazoo scarcity

I personally blame that time ExxonMobil spilled 250,000 gallons of oil into the golf of mexico and the consequent near-extinction of the kazoo species, but that's probably a controversial conspiracy theory

[evocation]

did you do kazoo conservation back home?

[wittingly]

I consider it a personal failing that I wasn't socially aware of the kazoo movement

[evocation]

idk
you were too busy playing wonderwall at shitty basement parties i guess
wait
what was that tool thing you were talking about before?

[wittingly]

it was bonfires, thank you very much

so apparently I can sort of
remake shit, I don't know how to describe it
change a quarter to a nail, change the shape of a screwdriver or a wrench
turn something into something else

that doesn't sound like the coolest power, but in my line of work it's actually insanely useful

[evocation]

no, that sounds cool
can you change the kazoo?

[wittingly]

I can, actually
check it out

image_01.jpg

it sounds like shit but considering what it is I think that means I did it right

[evocation]

this is the best thing that's happened to me since i've been stuck in this stupid fucking sim

[wittingly]

hey so serious question about that
what is that like?
is it like VR?
how realistic are we talking?
do the laws of physics apply?
is there respawn or is it permadeath?
is there clipping or is the framerate flawless
is there a way to manipulate the code from inside?

[evocation]

jesus
it's realistic
the only reason we figured out it was probably a sim is because our powers glitch it
but it's not like shitty video game glitches or clipping or whatever
it's like for a second we can see where we're actually supposed to be in new amsterdam
my thing is magic, not coding, so idk
but you can get injured and feel pain and everything
and we're respawning when we die
it sucks

[wittingly]

wait a second
I'm gonna slip this into the original text as a suggestion:

if you guys glitch it when you use your powers, why not get a metric shitload of people to do that at once and see if you can overload it into tanking?

like spawning a thousand mudcrabs into skyrim at one time, if you're familiar with the analogy

[evocation]

because it doesn't always glitch
most of the time when i touch someone or try to use my power, nothing happens
but every once in a while it'll fuck up

[wittingly]

it's statistically more likely to happen if you have a lot of people doing it simultaneously

just a thought