@ian.fowler | morningstar network

[wittingly]

Hey
Stop me if this is a stupid offer, I'm still trying to figure out how this whole thing works, but
I heard about the whole gate problem, and the whole simulation thing, there's probably more going on too that I don't know about yet
I'm an engineer
You guys might already have a few, but just in case you're shorthanded
If there's anything I can do to help, I want to

I can also apparently do a weird tools thing now so that's
something

edit: if anyone's in the market for crazy experiments in there
you guys glitch the sim when you do your chest thing, right?
anyone tried organizing a group glow-off? overwhelm the system with too much at once, DDOS it into crashing?

Comments

[wittingly]

does running away from a detached finger not count?

[evocation]

nope
pony up the goods professor

[wittingly]

the issue here is I don't have any big embarrassing moments

I need something to work with for inspiration, because apparently my history is smooth and classy
I don't know, ask me something specific

[evocation]

bullshit
what's the most embarrassing thing you've done while you were wasted?

[wittingly]

I wanna point out if you're wasted enough you won't remember
woke up on the roof of a car once
fell off a garage
DEFINITELY excessively hit on people who in hindsight were not even remotely interested but I missed the hint entirely

[evocation]

boring
but i guess it counts
i actually haven't fallen through the toilet
one of those times with the chair i ate shit and brought a whole bowl of soup down with me though

[wittingly]

by the power vested in me by the state of california
i legally require you to text me the first time you fall through a toilet

for now I'm satisfied with your soup failure.

[evocation]

does this mean we're bffs now?
sharing our deepest regrets and all
or is this like extortion

[wittingly]

are those two things mutually exclusive?
do I have to pick

[evocation]

yep
or else i'm giving you a shitty review on rate my professor

[wittingly]

it's extortion
100%

[evocation]

you're getting a 0
but only because i don't think it goes into negatives

[wittingly]

look at you already tanking my career opportunities
if I could double extort you I would
triple extortion
what's the maximum amount of extorted someone can get

that much is how much I'd extort you right now

[evocation]

like fifty probably
what else are you even going to extort me for?

[wittingly]

I don't know, what else you got?
Let's explore some options

[evocation]

i'm not going to help you extort me
you're on your own, mr. smarty pants engineer

[wittingly]

extortion was supposed to be like a recreational hobby for me but you're making it really difficult for me to enjoy myself with all this 'figure it out yourself' talk. it's just so inconsiderate.

I'm starting to think it's not even worth extorting you at all

your loss, man, I got like 6 other people waiting in line for me to extort them, you don't know what you're missing

[evocation]

aww
poor thing
maybe you should build a bridge and get over it
get it? because you're an engineer?

[ha ha]

[wittingly]

I hope you're on a date when you fall through that first toilet

[evocation]

joke's on you, i don't date

[Because of the terror of emotional intimacy, especially with the empathy bond, but that's neither here nor there.]

i bet someday something totally embarrassing is going to happen with your power too

[wittingly]

we have so much in common

I would really love to know what you have in mind as far as how I can embarrass myself with mine

is it a social faux pas to underestimate the size of a socket wrench

[evocation]

what if one day you turn your socket wrench into like
a giant metal dick?

[wittingly]

you're right
classic accident
not sure how that didn't come to me

I cannot count on one hand the number of times I've fucked up and accidentally turned something into a giant metal dick

sometimes it's just one of those days, you know, like a bad tuesday, you wake up late, it hasn't been your day your week your month or even your year, and then you look down at the meatloaf you were making and

damn it, giant metal dick again, typical Ian

[evocation]

maybe you're venting your sexual frustration through your socket wrenches
or your inadequacy
idk i'm not a psychologist
i'm just saying everyone's powers can totally be embarrassing

[wittingly]

oh don't worry
it's definitely my inadequacy
your insight is astounding