@clarke.griffin

[strove]

I think it's best to get this out here as soon as I can. Last month before I disappeared, four of us held a meeting with a mysterious man named Ball. He was able to serve us coffee and good baked goods, and he told us a little about ourselves. He believes that we've either been touched by gods, or that gods are why we're here. That likely sounds ridiculous. But he said there's a way to test it. To prove it to ourselves.

The way to do that? Gates. I don't entirely know how, but I was given one of four locations to seek out. Mine is in New Oslo, and I'd like to be headed there soon. Markus, Loki, and Ojiro have the other three. I haven't been back long enough to find out what those are.

But here's a few things to think about before you dismiss this out of hand. It may be tempting to do so. If I hadn't been here for a while, I would have done so.

First, when many of us dreamed? We changed things. We changed reality. I covered some of those changes here, and Johnny asked for some more here. I'm willing to go over that later. We can't deny that reality isn't what it was before, and that we're the only ones who remember it. And think about it. I just went home and came back six years older.

Second, as Rey and Loki pointed out here, there are people making art of us. I know that some of those people think of us as proof of god. That may be ridiculous, but look back at the reality bending. Think about it.

So that brings me to my main point. As much as I've personally fought against it, we've been put into a position where we have a unique power and ability to enact change on this world. Right now, we're in a position where we're trying to hide. I think—no matter who you back, no matter what you believe—we're being foolish if we don't use that to our advantage.

This world is dying. Cassius made that obvious to all of us, though I think he also made it worse. But what we've learned is that we can do something about that. I can't even begin to suggest how we tap into that power, but it's possible that someone in this world will know how.

This is my plan, then, in no specific order:

1. We need to seek out those gates. It might tell us more about ourselves.
2. We need to find a way to separate ourselves from Morningstar and protect the people who are making art about us. We need to protect the structure of Morningstar because what it means to this world, and we need to protect these people. Not just because they have answers about us.
3. We find a way to harness our powers to help this world. To keep it from dying. Some people don't want to leave. And I'll add this: I want to bring my people here. I have a feeling that I'm not the only one. I know that's selfish, but I have my reasons for it. You can ask.

I don't know how to execute on every part of this. If you want me to come up with a plan, I will. But I'd prefer if we worked together. I know Damian has a plan on a different level, but perhaps this can dovetail with what he's doing. Maybe we can work in tandem with Morningstar while not endangering them. We'll have to see.

Obviously, we start with New Oslo, unless one of the other three locations is more ideal. I think that's the logical place to begin.

Comments

[strove]

You think.

[The fact that he brushes it off as if it's nothing gets under her skin. She can't help it.]

You have time to come up with contingency plans.

[resleeves]

No, I know. I'm the only one that can do what he needs done.

[ bancroft had him by the balls just as much as kovacs did. ]

It's why he went through all the trouble of having me thawed out.

[strove]

So, it's at great personal risk to himself. And you're sure of this?

[Yes. Clarke sounds genuinely worried.]

[resleeves]

I'm sure.

[ no other envoys left for bancroft to mess around with. ]

And yeah, there's a risk. But if there anything worth doing in life that's not a risk?

[strove]

I know that's just a phrase, but I can think of a long, long list of things that could be risk free. Unfortunately, getting there would likely include a lot of risks.

[So, yes? No? She finishes her glass of whisky.]

[resleeves]

Okay okay, fine you got me there.

[ was he getting philosophical in his old age? gross. ]

Pretty sure everything's got a fucking risk attached to it here.

[strove]

That's not the first time you've said that.

[Or something like it. Clarke has a hard time seeing this world as a true survivor's threat. That's because she's seen far worse.]

What's happened to you here? Or does it remind you of something you know?

[resleeves]

What's happened to me here is the same shit that's happened to everyone.

[ with a few differences especially for him. ]

It reminds me of shit I'm familiar with from back home. But am I wrong? There's a risk here for nearly everything.

[strove]

You are. [Clarke won't relent on this belief. While she wouldn't push on it the same way in public that she did before, they're in private, away from prying eyes.

It's easy for her to lean on this here.]

There are risks, sure, but not for "nearly everything." Most of the risk comes in not being of this world, and from making poor decisions without thinking them out the entire way. That's something that our group fails at a lot.

[Not that Clarke thinks that it's their fault. Some of that comes from perspective.

But it's not a product of the world. Rather, it's their own wariness.]

Besides, I'd trust this world less if it presented as a true utopia. I've seen that those can only be lies.

[resleeves]

Really? Name something you don't think there's a risk attached to?

[ prove him wrong. ]

I'm curious.

[strove]

Meeting in a bar and having a drink with my friend. [One thing they've done together.] Or showing up at his place with a bottle of whisky to talk about hard times.

[The subject matter is sketchy, but it might be with world specific substitutes slotted in.

Also, she's stretching somewhat to be right.]

[resleeves]

Someone could start a fight.

[ they were sitting in a bar, after all. ]

Someone could have a fuckin' heart attack. That's a risk, isn't it?

[ he just has to be contrary. ]

[strove]

In my experience, bar fights are rare. [Her experience is limited to the tiny bar in Sanctum and this world. But still—she hasn't seen a whole lot.

Maybe that's because the Displaced's bar hasn't opened yet.]

And heart attacks can happen everywhere. If you're saying this world is uniquely unsafe, that doesn't cut it.

[resleeves]

Maybe I'm just being contrary to piss you off.

[ he smirks. ]

Is it working?

[strove]

My best friend back home made a big show of threatening to kill me to get me to fall in line when we first met. Of course, he couldn't do it. [Lightly spoken, all said with a hint of fondness and ease. Bellamy wasn't someone who could conceal his true motivations. He was never as harsh.

But it's a sign.

Plus, she still likes Murphy. He's a pain in the ass, but she likes him.]

You're going to have to try harder than that.

[There's a reason why Damian gets under her skin more.]

[resleeves]

That sounds like a challenge, Clarke.

[ not one that he's going to take up, though. he doesn't really know how it happened but there's not a lot of people he trusts more in this city than her. and she seems to tolerate him much, much better than almost anyone else. ]

But, I'd rather not threaten to kill you. Then, who else would I drink with and commiserate with and bitch at?

[strove]

It's pretty risky to try to kill me, anyway. [A beat. A cant of her head.] And disappointing. It doesn't usually work out the way someone's planned.

[The actual cockroach of her life: Clarke Griffin.]

Best to make a point of keeping me around.

[resleeves]

See people do kill me. They just can't keep me dead.

[ he kept on coming back one way or another. ]

It's my charming personality. People just miss it.

[strove]

Charming personality ... [she repeats, trailing off.] Is that what you've settled on?

[resleeves]

Am I wrong? Do I not have a charming personality?

[ don't hurt him like that, clarke. ]

[strove]

I'm biased.

[Here comes a thoughtful response that might not have a place within the banter. Clarke has always thought of him as being similar to Murphy, and little has changed that. If anything, Kovacs may put on a show of caring more than John Murphy ever will.]

My friend Murphy is a lot like you. I'd say he has his charming moments, but he's still Murphy about just about everything, just as you're ... you. [Her head cants ever so slightly, a move that acts a bit like, "That's how it is" in motion.]

All that to say that I can see why someone would find you charming.

[resleeves]

Huh.

[ why did you have to put thought and care into your answer, clarke? it made it hard to snap back a witty retort. ]

I tend to do my best to make sure people don't find me charming. Safer that way and all.

[strove]

For when? [There's usually a reason for the precaution. For Murphy, Clarke knows it's a means to create a distance so that he can't form connections. Because he has a hard time with how people see him. Of course, that hasn't worked out for him.

Clarke doubts it's any different for Kovacs.]

[resleeves]

Because people who get close tend to die. I'd rather that not happen.

[ so maybe he has a heart. maybe. half a heart. half a black heart. ]

[strove]

I understand. [Whereas Kovacs can be caustic and distant, Clarke knows that she doesn't strike anyone as the type to truly understand. But she's also the type to explain. To tell the truth about her perspective.]

I once left my people behind. It was after I earned that title I told you about—as the Commander of Death. Carrying it was too much, and I believed ... somewhat foolishly ... that if I left them behind, I could take everything with me. Protect them from me. Protect myself from losing more. [Clarke shakes her head.]

But it doesn't work that way. And I couldn't exactly shield my heart from caring about people. Though I think you get that. Know that.