@laura.moon

[apathet]

Hey
Who's talking to the believers?

Comments

[apathet]

Yes as in an opening
But fuck no do I want anybody looking to me for hope or meaning

They need to look to somebody. And there are some fucking assholes out there in the fuck knows where who don't need welcoming with a gift basket full of unclaimed worshippers

[righteously]

What, you mean you're not a shiny paragon of selflessness and virtue? Boy have I been getting the wrong impression.

So what are you proposing, we nominate a volunteer to Joel Osteen these poor dumb bastards before somebody goes full Westboro Baptist?

( Because... he's not hating the concept. Plugging the hole kind of makes sense. )

[apathet]

A volunteer or nine
Whatever it takes to cover all the ground before any warmongering Norse fucks decide to put in an appearance

Looks like his kids are on board, so it's nice to know daddy issues are a universal trait

[righteously]

You got problems with the Norse in particular?

[apathet]

No, I'm sure every pantheon and holy cohort has its designated sack of shit

I have problems with Odin in particular

[righteously]

You're not wrong. 100% of them are a bowl full of dick cheerios.

Odin was a real tool.

What's your beef with him?

[apathet]

Personally? He had me murdered so he could recruit my husband to be his fucking war effort errand boy

[ there's more, but confessing to being a God killer publically after initiating a conversation adjacent to gods isn't going to benefit the discussion ]

[righteously]

Yikes
What a douche

Sounds like that tracks across universes, unless we're from the same one

He kick the bucket in yours around '09?

[apathet]

No. He's unfortunately completely alive in the late 10s

And he's got a problem with any deity that wasn't around from the millisecond man walked the earth, so I don't think he's going to kill the crusade when he's abducted by other gods from another universe

[righteously]

Can't say I'm surprised. You put more than two of those bitches in the same room it turns into an episode of Jersey Shore.

So what's the deal, are you dead dead and this is afterlife 2.0 for you or did you get the Pulp Fiction treatment?

[apathet]

Corpse in a box in the ground meets a leprechaun's lucky coin and what do you know? I'm busting out of my casket

Being here are the only times I've been actually alive since I hit the asphalt.

[righteously]

leprechaun coin
that's a new one

you uh
you have to
you know
do the whole digging your way out of the grave thing too?

( p l e a s e nobody can relate to this he has been wanting to bitch about it for so long )

[apathet]

[ Oh no ]

Yeah

[righteously]

The freaking
mouth dirt
right??

you just wake up from being friggin dead and then you gotta crawl six feet through the earth's asshole
like, give me a damn break

[apathet]

Hey, I'd commiserate but I'd crawl out of another hundred graves if I could skip the mass formaldehyde exodus

[righteously]

nobody likes a story topper

( just kidding, because— )

seriously?? formaldehyde?
Jesus
you got me there

[apathet]

Yeah. Or whatever the fuck else they put in embalming fluid
The reverse grave digging wasn't a favorite, but grave dirt was absolutely the best thing to come out of my mouth post mortem

I'm guessing you were more Jesus than zombie

[righteously]

yeah in more ways than one

( you have no idea the deep irony accompanying that comparison buddy )

no I skipped the mortuary and went straight in the ground
popped back up four months later all living no dead
that time, anyway

[apathet]

Now who's the story topper?

[ And as much as she'd love to continue to talk about death and being dead, a thing she'd like never to be while conscious again, there's business to get down to. ]

Anyone to add to the list of gods to be? I've got a few takers

[righteously]

I got a line on an actual angel, but he already took a run at godhood
Didn't end so great

Who's your takers?

[apathet]

Thor and Loki, the irony isn't lost on me
Yennefer?

Cardinals, which should help

[righteously]

you know what
that tracks

Can't exactly say I'm a big fan, but I guess anybody I'd be cool with wouldn't do it in the first place

[apathet]

Of those three specifically or of Cardinals in general?

[righteously]

both
all

( mr. bitter betty does not have a good opinion of cardinals right now

tony stark's alright, dude spent the entire time dean knew him shitfaced and not bothering anybody that he knew of. he likes to think it was out of guilt; already feeling bad in the aerie redeems him a little.

he's probably wrong about it, but he's trying not to think about it too hard.

the rest of them can suck eggs. )

[apathet]

Ok
If you've got any specific complaints share with the class, otherwise for the purposes of this exercise we're going to get the fuck over it and profit off the notoriety