[ he keeps asking why not, tells her that she's not dead inside and -- how would he even know? ]

Because some asshole [ she misses khlyen and she hates khlyen and she loves khlyen and it's complicated, everything she feels is so fucking complicated and johnny's not here to make sense of it for her, to know her better than she knows herself ] decided to turn me into a weapon when I was eight, all right? That's why. Because I've probably killed more people than you've even met. [ maybe a slight exaggeration... but the point stands. ]

And I don't know how to be like that.

[ maybe she is dead inside. ]

Not really. Not like that.

[ could she learn? ]